I always marvelled Beyond the blue
acrylic painting
30 x 40 inches at painting classes I attended where people bemoaned the fact that they had only gotten to painting once or twice since the last semester or the last year for that matter. When I am painting, a lot of my confidence increases because the muscles are there. I actually think a lot about these issues and focus on combining personal development and art in my work. My mantra is know who you are and your natural strengths, motivations and align with them even in your art. This means that you get to stop trying to be like some other artist that you admire and be yourself. That is a huge confidence boost in itself; for example, my work space is messy because I am working on several things at once. Some would tsk tsk at that but I understand that this drive for expediency shows up everywhere when I am in the flow.

I identify with Prelude
oil painting
36 x 40 inches Robert's comments because I am an artist and a former nationally ranked athlete. From my experience as an athlete, the ability to focus and "know the competition" has truly helped me soar to stages of expression that has resulted in artistic success. As an athlete, there would be experiences during training that, within the running and cycling community, would be called "character building." Those days the weather would be formidable. The ability to focus through adverse conditions would give me inner strength during the real competition. Today, as an artist, I "draw" upon my experience as an athlete and what has now become part of my soul. My husband refers to me as a "feminine woman made of a titanium spine." That description is my most favourite compliment.

I always thought Untitled
oil painting art competitions were downright weird. The slippery slope of standards starts with a committee selecting of a jury, then the entrants are subjected to the judges' tastes. At the local "prestigious" annual juried show I won first prize for traditional still life painting and the next year was rejected from the show after entering an equally good work. Go figure. You win some, rejected from others, but what competitions do best is expose artists' work to a broader audience, naturally winning a cash prize comes in handy and allows the artist to pump out a Press Release to the media. That last bit is very important because in these economic times newspapers have eliminated the Art Critics from their payrolls. Whatever you think about the process don't prejudge the judges and remember that the rewards of juried shows allow artists to be self-promoting, build name recognition, branding, shameless commercialization, call it what you like, it leads to sales of your work. The marketplace declares the ultimate winners.

Unconscious confidence Necklace
Ivory sounds like the final stage of the learning process. Years ago, I received this remarkable little set of learning stages as a handout in a martial arts class: Unconscious incompetence--It's so easy! The joyous stage of the beginner, when you simply jump in and start a new endeavour. There's the excitement of the new. You feel full of promise and potential--"Hey! I have a real a knack for this stuff!" Conscious incompetence--It gets hard. When it begins to dawn on you how hard this stuff really is, and how much there is to learn. You become painfully aware of how inadequate your performance really is. (Tip: Most people quit at this stage of learning.) Conscious Competence--You keep working at it. You have acquired some skill, but you have to think about it, and work at it, until you get to that most amazing place... Unconscious Competence--You master your craft. Your techniques have become automatic. Your body simply knows what to do, and works in sync with your mind to achieve even greater heights. You know now that learning this skill is a life-long pursuit, and your studies have really just begun. This handout changed my life. I still pursue my art and the martial arts, knowing that only perseverance, practice and passion will get me to that glorious final stage--and beyond.

Art is the New Oakes Painting
pastel painting slowest of marathons. It can be gruelling and boring. Rarely do spectators come out and cheer and hand out Gatorade. Like the marathon runner, the artist must exercise daily and often to build up endurance. As their endurance increases so does their confidence that they can run the long distance required. The more experienced runner works on nuances in his technique in order to improve performance. She indentifies weaknesses and sets out to improve in these areas. The races are a barometer of improvement and a test of the runner's training. For the artist, we have shows and contests that are the showcases of our effort and achievement. These shows are not the transcendent moment that the Olympics provide for athletes. We cannot wisely put all our eggs in one basket like that. However that "do or die" attitude of Olympians would undoubtedly improve our focus and performance. We admire the qualities an Olympic athlete exhibits. We admire the courage, perseverance, tenacity, courage and dedication. These athletes all start with talent and take it to the ultimate level. As artists we can all put forth the same determined effort to be the best that we can be.

I started painting Reflections on the Pond
acrylic painting
33 x 43 inches about 8 years ago. After a career as a designer/business owner, in which I did excellent work full of value for my clients. Then at 53, I started to draw again, and for the first time in my life picked up a paint brush, work with oil washes on paper. As the painting became more frequent, I simultaneously began to burn out from 20 years of 70 hour weeks and more than 2200 hours per year of billable time. I suffered multiple spinal injuries and underwent a painful surgery and long recovery. A signal, I guess. I continue to paint. More and more. Not really knowing what was behind it all. It just WAS. Four years ago, not sure what to do with my life, and disappointed with my sense of failure to carry my business any further, I decided, with the unswerving support of my wife of 23 years, to paint full time. I was frightened to death. Anxious most of the time. Financially anxious is more like it. Scared of failure. Scared of success. Now, four years later, I see that there was indeed something there that I had not known for 50 years. My point is... when I look back over the last four years, I realize that I DID have an inner confidence, without which I could never have come so far. So, my message is: trust your inner confidence, and feed it with hard, dedicated work, determination... and the willingness to fail. That inner confidence is there. It is inside all of us, even when we do NOT realize it--if we let it be there. And do not undermine it. It is one of the most powerful drivers. WE build muscles that are yet unknown to us. We gradually swerve into the land of unselfconscious creativity... the most powerful thing in the world. You CAN do it.

Gods Golden Eye
acrylic painting
18 x 30 inches The Archer
When the archer shoots his arrows without intent to win, he is master of his skills.
When he shoots to win a ring of copper, he is nervous.
When he shoots to win gold, he is blind, and sees two targets, and looses his mind.
His talent is always the same, but the thoughts of winning prizes trouble it.
He thinks more about the prize than the shot.
The need to win steals his power.

I enter competitions, but notice that competition is always hurtful to someone. Why can't we just enjoy our work and each other? Maybe it is the human ego that creates discontent.

I've just recently 206 Kensington
acrylic painting had the most successful show I've ever had. The reasons are training, focus and pressure. But I don't think these are the only reasons. I think there are driving forces behind these ideas that cannot be understated.

Passion. Passion is the deep love for your chosen vocation. Passion drives one to excel. Training is the tool that feeds passion.

Vision. Vision is the goal, that (necessarily) distant mile stone that gives one the focus to keep moving forward.

Obligation. Obligation is a double-edged sword that one holds oneself to. It is the personal integrity and the healthy fear of failure that allows one to work and deliver in the glaring light of the public eye.

The sweetness of Pico Canyon Foothills at Dusk
acrylic painting pure focus. How do I push away the world that surrounds me? The one I created, the bed I have made. To go back to the isolation that once brought me to my art. The place that was purely mine. I think about running away, packing my bags, living under a bridge. A fantasy, ridiculous. The great challenge is the discipline to find and/or create that island around me in the midst of my personal world. The world of family, finance, the everyday. To set up a mental fortress where the focus can reside. I long for where the discipline takes me. The sweat, the intensity and the knowing of my game. As if running a marathon, the pure self-indulgence of doing what I do best, uninterrupted. A sweet pleasure, the pure now. I lock up the doors of my sanctuary; enter back to my world as if I have returned from a great adventure. It was a good run and I am ready to face it all again, that cherished world of mine. Where I am surrounded by the wanting, needing arms of those I love.

Personally I agree with Franz Kafka who wrote, "From a real antagonist one gains boundless courage." This real antagonist may very well be yourself and the playing field one's own self, that larger entity that cannot be confused with your ego without catastrophe and immolation. The stakes in that game are very high and there is no playing to the crowd or looking over your shoulder. One may indeed paint a landscape, write a poem, engage in any creative act through which personal growth and transformation may be the only reward. Winning isn't everything.

You have to listen to that inner voice and follow the direction you feel you are pushed to go. Yet at the same time, be aware of what is going on in the world around you, what people are saying, what children are writing and talking about, how our planet is evolving. It's a careful balance. To me, this means, as an artist and arts educator, I must always be seeking ways to improve my craft, my process, my skills. As an artist whose goal is to impact with my art, I need to listen to what people want to discover, learn, explore, and respond with a listening heart. When I know that I have "heard" my assignment, and it's in tune with something the community needs, I run ahead with the project and always trust that wonderful people will jump in and help me make it happen. So, my advice would be train like you're entering a marathon, and listen to your soul. When it hits you to do something big for the community, through art, don't stop! Plow ahead and make it happen. Some people may think you're "crazy," others will say you're "gifted" and yet others will join you, and it becomes a good thing for all!